J O N A F R A N K | You Are Not Enough
You Are Not Enough.
This is a message that goes two ways. It can break you down and it can propel you forward.
In my case, it did both.
In elementary school on the days when we did not have gym class, my mother made me wear dresses. I was an athletic, active kid and I found the dresses frustrating and restricting. They slowed me down, made it harder to climb and move and run. But, it was not worth the fight and I hated disappointing my mother, so despite my discomfort, I wore the dresses.
But, it wasn’t enough. Even when I wore the dresses she would turn to my father, as if I could not hear and say, “She’s not feminine enough.” Over and over she would turn to me and say, “You are not feminine enough.” I wanted so much to give her this thing that she seemed so much to need - be this person that completed this image she had of her picture-perfect suburban life, but I had no clue how to do it.
After awhile all I heard was, “You are not enough.”
I was taken care of as a child. Every night we ate dinner at 5:30 and every birthday my mother made a special cake to celebrate. I had a warm bed to sleep in with sheets that smelled like the outdoors. Suburbia was ordered and stable and full of promise, the answer to my mother’s prayers. But, for me it was repetitive and stifling. For me, it was a place I had to leave. For me, it was not enough.
Family stories are records of our lives. We are all connected by these stories. Early family snapshots are crucial in giving us a sense of where we belong. But family portraits are complex. There is an intimacy in living with someone day-to-day. We watch our parents. We absorb and imitate even when it is not our intention.
My mother was right: I was not enough for her. I was just the opposite: too much.
— Jona Frank
